Here are some questions I've gotten from people about the timing of my pregnancy, so I thought I'd post my replies!
- Don't you guys want to wait so that you can get to know each other better before bringing kids into the equation?
- Why didn't you wait until you were done with school before getting pregnant?
The answers to both of these questions are related. Yeah, besides the obvious answer of "I'm just baby hungry" (which is my sarcasm for those who don't know me very well), my hubby and I talked, studied what the prophets have said, and prayed about the timing of Baby.
When we were dating, I actually told Nathan that I wanted to get my license as a social worker before having kids. That requires two years of full-time work after graduation. This brought up a discussion of what the prophets have counseled on the subject of childbearing. He brought up something that President Boyd K. Packer has talked about that completely changed the way I viewed my situation.
Elder Packer explained that in the Church, there are rules that the Lord expects us to follow: young men should serve a mission at nineteen years of age, we should end our talks in sacrament meeting on time, mothers should not work outside the home, we should fast on fast Sunday, we should not needlessly delay childbearing, etc. These rules are preached over the pulpit. Are there circumstances when being an exception is appropriate? Yes. However, exceptions to these rules are to be dealt with between the individual and the Lord, and with priesthood counsel if appropriate.
Sometimes when we hear the exception preached at the same time as the rule, we discount the rule immediately and count ourselves as the exception. This seems to be human nature and I have been very guilty of this! Is it saying something about us when 70 percent of us believe we are the exception to the rule?
Also, if after studying and praying we feel the Lord is letting us know that we are an exception, how would we feel after hearing the rule preached over the pulpit? Would we feel discriminated against? Would we internally label the speaker as "close-minded"? Would we choose to become offended if the exception wasn't mentioned? Hopefully, if the Lord has confirmed to one's heart that they truly are an exception, hearing the rule preached would not have any negative effect on the hearer!
Coming to understand what the Brethren have said about this has been somewhat of a long road. I've struggled to find out what my desires were and what Heavenly Father's were for me. Here are some of the "rules" or counsel the prophets have given on the subject. These two quotes struck a personal chord with me ... and burned my ego a bit when I studied them:
Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it" (Genesis 1:28). And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family.—Spencer W. Kimball (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 328–29)
The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord" (Ps. 127:3). ... We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness.
—Ezra Taft Benson (Conference Report, Apr. 1969, p. 12)
In the end, I realized that my reasons for wanting to postpone having children were very selfish. I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of approaching the Lord asking to be an exception when I knew my heart wasn't right before him. I'm grateful for the decision Nathan and I have made to not postpone having kids. We still have loans to pay off, but we know the Lord will bless us for following his counsel—even if it can be more of a struggle.
